


Not Always Perfect

by supercalvin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 16:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11855631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercalvin/pseuds/supercalvin
Summary: Merlin came home in a bad mood, which was probably where it started.





	Not Always Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate Title: Relationship Take Effort

 

Merlin came home in a bad mood, which was probably where it started.

First, Arthur had forgotten to pick up Merlin’s prescription at the pharmacy yesterday. So after a rough day at work Merlin had to run errands, because in addition to his stop at the pharmacy he had to go by the market to pick up food. That was a whole other issue in and of itself. After years of living on his own, and then years of being in a serious relationship, Arthur had yet to learn how to cook. Anything more complicated than eggs, toast, or pasta was beyond Arthur’s ability. The fact that Merlin always had to make dinner, no matter how hard his day had been, was beginning to grate on his nerves, especially when Arthur just expected it of him.

Probably the last straw was when he entered their flat to see a couple print-outs of house listings sitting inconspicuously on the kitchen counter.

Merlin was tired. He was hungry. And he was beginning to shift from annoyed to angry. But Merlin was determined to put it all aside, because despite his mother’s insistence that Merlin was naturally stubborn and pugnacious, he did not like arguing with his boyfriend.

Arthur must have heard him come home because he came into the kitchen with a timid smile on his face. He was gaging whether or not Merlin had spied the print-outs. Merlin continued to unpack the groceries, silently.

“Evening,” Arthur said eventually. “What’s for dinner?”

“Roast,” Merlin said as he tried to quell his annoyance.

After being with Merlin for three years, Arthur must have easily sensed his tetchiness.

“Want a glass of wine?” Arthur was already making his way to the cabinet.

“No,” Merlin said. He did. But when he got in a mood he always answered contrarily. Maybe his mother was right about him.

Arthur frowned, but did not grab the wine bottle. Merlin continued to prepare dinner, chopping the vegetables, setting the oven, and trying not to be annoyed with the fact that Arthur was just standing there.

“Anything interesting happen during your shift?” Arthur asked.

Small talk did not suit Arthur. It never had.

“No,” Merlin said.

There had been an incident involving a patient named Gilli who had managed to get a lightbulb stuck in his mouth, but Merlin did not feel like sharing at the moment.

Merlin finished preparing the roast in silence, sliding the pan into the oven and setting the timer. When he turned around Arthur was no longer in the kitchen. It irritated him, even though it should not have.

He made himself a cup of tea, and then went to sit at the kitchen counter. His eyes tracked to the print-outs lying on what was unofficially ‘Merlin’s spot’ on the right side of the counter. Merlin pulled out the barstool on the left side and determinedly played a game on his phone while he waited for the roast to cook.

Two levels later, Arthur came back into the kitchen, seeing Merlin on the other side of the counter.

He laughed a little, “You’re in the wrong spot.”

Merlin looked up, unamused. “Does it matter what spot I’m in?”

Arthur frowned. “Suppose not. But I like the left.”

“Maybe I like the left too.” Merlin snapped, going back to his game. Arthur was still looking at him, but he ignored any signals Arthur was trying to give him.

“You never minded it before.” Arthur said.

“Yeah, well things change.” Merlin saw Arthur flinch, but he didn’t care. Merlin slammed his phone on the counter and pushed away from the counter. He tried to stomp past Arthur down the hall and into the bedroom, but Arthur stopped him.

“Alright,” Arthur grabbed him by the arm. “What is wrong with you tonight?”

“Nothing” Merlin tugged his arm away. “I’m just annoyed.”

“Is this about the house listings?”

“Oh yeah, let’s fucking bring those up too while we’re at it.”

“What the fuck did I do?” Arthur finally sounded angry. Good. Merlin hated when Arthur pouted instead of fighting back.

“You want to know what you did? You’re being intransigent and egocentric! And you fucking know it. But you’re acting all coy like I’m some idiot who doesn’t know what you’re doing.”

Arthur gaped at him “I’m not doing anything! You’re the one who came home determined to be angry with me for no reason!”

“No reason!” Merlin snorted.

“What?” Arthur put his hands on his hips.

“See! That’s what I mean. You don’t even notice.”

“Notice what!” Arthur gestured to the flat, like it should have been written on the walls.

“Me, for god’s sake, Arthur! Me!” Merlin shouted, even though his words made little sense. “You’re so caught up in your own world that you don’t notice how I’m doing at all! And honestly? It’s starting to fucking tick me off.”

Arthur looked sincerely offended at this accusation. “I think I noticed my damn boyfriend, Merlin.”

“Really? Then what about the prescription?”

Arthur rolled his eyes, “I forgot about picking it up. I don’t usually run by the pharmacy after work and it slipped my mind.”

“Yet I was the one who had to get it today, even though I asked you to do it. Then I had to run to the market for food, because god forbid, you couldn’t have done that! Even though you were apparently home before me.”

“You hate when I bring home take away! You always complain about it!”

“Because maybe I want a home cooked meal that I didn’t make myself for once!”

“Really, this is because I don’t cook?” Arthur sighed, pinching his nose. “Look, I know you’re tired and hungry-“

“Don’t you dare belittle me!” Merlin shouted. “I don’t need a fucking bad mood to be angry with you. I’ve been cross with you for a while now!”

Arthur’s lips pinched together. His jaw tightened, the muscle jumping under the skin.

Merlin finally pushed past Arthur and into the kitchen. He pulled out a bottle of wine from the cabinet, one that he knew Arthur did not like, uncorked it and poured himself a glass.

Arthur must have collected his thoughts by the time Merlin had his first sip, because he was back in the kitchen, his shoulders pulled back and his eyes fiery.

“Yes?” Merlin’s tone was tetchy.

“If this is about the damned house-listings, just fucking say it.”

“It’s about a lot of things. A lot of things which I’m not sure work anymore.” Merlin set down his glass, watching the red liquid swirl.

“I know you weren’t sure about the houses, but we can look-“

“Damn it, Arthur! I don’t want to move into a house with you!” Merlin finally said it. The ache had been building up inside his chest for a month now, and he had finally said his mind.

Arthur looked like Merlin had taken all the air out of the room. Hurt eyes watched Merlin. Unsteady hands leaned on the counter in front of him.

Merlin’s voice was low and solid. He breathed out through his nose.  “I don’t want to move into a house. You never fucking asked me if I wanted to move into a house. Nor did you even think to ask me.”

“So you let me talk about this for weeks? Just fucking dragged me along, like an idiot?” Arthur hissed. “You could have just said so, but you decided to act all stroppy and immature!”

“Immature!” Merlin repeated, feeling highly offended. “You can’t make yourself dinner. Excuse me, you you can, but won’t! You don’t even run little errands for me. You see my as your butler, not your boyfriend!”

“That is not true. Don’t put words in my mouth!” Arthur said. “And you’ve never complained about any of this before.”

“I was trying to compromise. You know, that thing you do in relationships? A thing you never do.” Merlin said.

“Oh that’s rich coming from you” Arthur sneered, “You’re more stubborn than me. You would go to your grave with a decision just because I suggested it.”

“Yeah, well guess what? You want to move into a house? Well I’ve made my decision and I’m done.” Merlin grit his teeth. “I’m done.”

Arthur huffed, “We are not done talking about this.”

“No, Arthur. _I’m done_. You can take your shit and leave.” Merlin clenched his fists to his sides, trying to stay still and not shake as he said the words.

Apparently Arthur had not seen how hurt and angry Merlin was, because his face drained of color. His eyes widened and his mouth opened as if to speak but then he closed it.

He swallowed. “Fine. That’s just fine. A little ticked off and you want to just end it?”

Merlin breathed in. “I said,” He breathed out. “Take your shit. And leave.”

Arthur was breathing heavily. He looked like he wanted to smash something. The feeling was mutual.

Spinning on his heel, Arthur turned away from Merlin and walked down the hall. Merlin let out an uneasy breath as soon as Arthur was out of sight. He heard the bedroom door slam open, the sound of Arthur pulling his duffle bag from the top shelf of the closet and their dresser drawers opening with more force than needed. Merlin stayed in the kitchen, trying to hold himself against the counter and not fall apart. He picked up the glass of wine, saw his hands shaking, and set it back down.

Merlin took in a long breath, told himself that this was for the best. In the end. Then let the breath out.

Arthur must have packed his bag because Merlin heard him bang his way back down the hall. Merlin had not expected him to come back into the kitchen, but maybe he had one last piece to say to Merlin. With his keys in one hand, Arthur held his barely packed duffle in the other. There couldn’t have been more than a few clothes in there, let alone any toiletries or necessities.

Arthur’s brow was low and his eyes were narrowed in determination as he stomped into the kitchen. With a furious expression on his face, Arthur stood right in front of Merlin as he shifted the duffle onto his shoulder and pocketed his keys. Then he bent his knees, and before Merlin could piece together what he was doing, he had hauled Merlin over his shoulder.

The wind was knocked out of Merlin as he struggled not to fall off Arthur’s shoulder. By the time Merlin oriented himself, Arthur had opened the front door.

“Fucking bastard! Put me down!” Merlin shouted.

Arthur grunted as he slammed the flat door shut and turned to take the stairs down.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m taking my shit. And I’m leaving.” Arthur said, huffing and grunting as he carried Merlin down the steps.

Merlin scrambled at Arthur’s shirt, trying to make him let go of him. “I am not your shit!”

“Yes you are!” Arthur readjusted Merlin on his shoulder, making Merlin puff with annoyance. “You are my shit! And I take care of my shit! And I can’t take care of my shit if I leave, so I’m taking you with me.”

“Just put me down, you caveman!” Merlin shouted, relenting that Arthur had lost his mind.

“If you really wanted to, you would have pushed me off a flight ago.” Arthur said.

Admittedly, this was true. Merlin was fairly used to Arthur picking him up, because Arthur knew Merlin loved being manhandled and that he liked that Arthur was able to pick him up with ease. There had been more than a few times where Arthur had hauled Merlin over his shoulder and carried him into the bedroom.

Granted, Merlin had allowed Arthur to pick him up in the kitchen, which was now two floors above them. If Merlin thought about it, the image of him seething angrily but dangling from Arthur’s shoulder was rather ridiculous.

“I could.” Merlin said.

“You won’t.” Arthur said, far too confident. “Because I’m your shit too and you either have to go back up those stairs or come with me.”

Merlin chewed on this for a bit. He watched upside down as Arthur took the stairs carefully down, using the hand railing. It was rather funny how cautious Arthur was being when he was acting so mad. Merlin could not imagine walking back up the stairs, going into the flat without Arthur. He didn’t really want to see Arthur go, even if he was still angry.

“I just want to see how far you’ll make it before you collapse.” Merlin said, his tone shifting from angry to grouchy.

“Fuckin’ stubborn," Arthur grunted, obviously feeling the strain after three flights of stairs.

“Takes one to know one.” Then, forgetting that he was supposed to be angrier, Merlin slapped Arthur’s ass and clucked his tongue. “Hurry up, asshole.”

Somehow, it diffused the entire situation. A cracking laugh burst out of Arthur.  It made him lose his footing and he crashed down with Merlin still on top of him, and they both slid down the stairs with a raucous bang. Arthur yelped and groaned as he slammed into the jagged stairs. Merlin, who banged his knees hard on the way down, hissed and let out a string of curses.

At the bottom of the stairwell, on the last few steps before the door to the parking garage, they laid in a pile. Arthur was sprawled out with his hands above his head and his duffle bag under him. Merlin was laid half on top of Arthur and half on the stairs.

Arthur snorted. Then he giggled, until he was all but brazenly laughing.

“Oh shut up” Merlin said, but the fire was all gone. He couldn’t help the smile starting to form.

“We’re a fucking mess.” Arthur said between guffaws.

“Yeah, we are.” Merlin sighed, looking down at Arthur, watching the way he laughed. It was out of amusement, but there was something off, like it was a release of pent up emotion rather than pure enjoyment.

Arthur turned to him, his eyes running up and down Merlin’s face. His smile froze in place and then his lips turned down. Arthur looked devastated. His lips were over his teeth, like a smile, but it wasn’t one. Arthur’s laugh turned into a sob.

“Don’t break it off, Merlin” Arthur choked, his lip quivering. “Please.”

“Shh.” Merlin touched his face tenderly, smoothing down his ruffled hair. “I’m not. I won’t.” Merlin buried his face into Arthur’s shoulder and he felt Arthur’s arm wrap around him.

“I couldn’t bear it.” Arthur shuddered. “I’m sorry- I know I’m not good enough-“

“No, shh, none of that.” Merlin pulled away to press his thumb to Arthur’s lips to stop him. “You were right; we need to talk about this. I shouldn’t have made it an argument. I should have talked to you.”

Arthur nodded his head. He pushed his lips up, pressing a kiss to Merlin’s thumb.

“Come on” Merlin said. “Let’s go back.”

Merlin grunted as he oriented himself on the stairs. He was going to have more than a few black and blue marks, but that was the least of his worries at the moment. Arthur groaned in pain as he slowly eased himself up to a sitting position. Merlin grabbed his arm and pulled it over his shoulder, “Alright?”

“I think I bruised something.” Arthur grunted as he let Merlin help him up the stairs. “My whole fucking body.”

Merlin let out a snort, “Whiny git.”

They made it back to their flat, and the first thing they heard was the oven timer going off. Merlin didn’t even bother to care. He walked into the kitchen, turned off the timer and oven. Then pulled out the ruined roast.

“I’ll call for pizza.” Merlin sighed.

“I could try and…” Arthur coughed awkwardly.

Merlin gave him a weak smile, shaking his head. He picked up the phone and ordered the pizza.

“I’ll take a class.” Arthur braced Merlin against the counter, holding onto his hips. “I’ll learn to cook, I promise. I swear.”

Merlin placed his hands on Arthur’s chest, sighing into his touch. “You sure?”

“No. I don’t have a fucking clue, Merlin, and you’ll have to live through a lot of burned meals but I’m not giving up on this because I can’t cook.”

Merlin traced the collar of Arthur’s shirt with his fingers, unable to look into Arthur’s face. He whispered, “You know this isn’t about the cooking, Arthur.”

Merlin could see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “I know.”

“Let’s get some food and then talk, okay?” Merlin gaged Arthur’s reaction.

He nodded then cracked a small smile, “Yeah, but I might need to be lying down for it, seriously I think I bruised something.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Come on, drama queen.” He grabbed a towel and bag of frozen vegetables from the refrigerator, before guiding Arthur to the bedroom. Arthur groaned as he laid on his front, holding out a hand for the towel.

“Don’t be silly.” Merlin said, sitting next to him and pushing up Arthur’s shirt. It was already reddening on Arthur’s lower back and on his right shoulder. Merlin pressed the towel to his shoulder, which would probably end up hurting the worst.

They stayed like that, Merlin alternating the towel in silence and then switching out the frozen bag when it began to melt. By the time the pizza came, Arthur had taken a pain killer and Merlin was rubbing some antibacterial on his elbows, where he scuffed them. They brought the pizza box into the bedroom and laid it on the bed. Not bothering with any formality as they sat cross legged and ate directly from the box. After they had both finished at least their first slice, Merlin jumped straight into it.

“It’s not that I don’t want to live with you.” Merlin cleared his throat.

Arthur looked up, surprised. He didn’t say anything, waiting for Merlin to continue.

Merlin anxiously wiped his hands, picking at his nails and avoiding Arthur’s eyes. “I want to live with you. I’ve never been as happy as I am now, living together.”

“What’s the exception? Why is it not enough?” Arthur asked, making Merlin’s heart ache.

“That’s just it, Arthur. This is enough.” Merlin bit lip to stop it from turning down. “I love the life we’ve created in this little flat. I don’t want to move.”

“We can’t live here forever.”

Merlin fidgeted in his spot. “I’ve never seen it that way. I grew up in an apartment. My mum could never afford a down-payment on a house. It never occurred to me that you might want to live in a house, probably the same way you didn’t think to ask if I wanted to.”

“And…” Merlin swallowed. He really did not want to say it, but if he wanted to salvage his relationship with Arthur completely, he needed to say it all. “I’m terrified of moving into a house. It’s too fast, Arthur. I’m not ready, and I know you’re thirty and we really should be thinking about big things like this, but I can’t.”

“Okay,” Arthur moved across the bed, pulling Merlin close, making him realize he was shaking. He held onto Arthur’s hand, feeling him squeeze it. Arthur seemed to mull over what Merlin had said, taking his time really understand.

“I’ve been told that I’m traditional.” Arthur said slowly, as if picking his words. “That I wait to kiss and to sleep with someone. I’m gay but I’ve always liked the stupid things from heteronormative dating. And I want...There are things in my life that I just assumed were going to happen. Find a partner. Marry. Buy a house. Adopt a dog. Maybe…have a baby…”

Merlin could feel his pulse skyrocket.

“I don’t want to scare you. I’m sorry if I do, but that’s how I see things.” Arthur said, running his thumb over Merlin’s knuckles soothingly. “But if that’s not what you want, I would throw it all out. I would live in a box if you wanted to.”

Merlin smiled, “That’s not very realistic.”

Arthur’s eyes crinkled. “Neither is a perfect little house with a picket fence.”

That calmed Merlin more than he liked to admit.

Merlin covered their intertwined hands with his other, “I’m not saying I don’t want any of that, Arthur. I do. I really fucking do. But you can’t rush me or push me.”

“I won’t. I’m sorry that I did.” Arthur bent down to press a kiss to Merlin’s hands. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“I’ll make it up to you too” Merlin said, “We’ll look at those houses, alright?”

“No, don’t do that” Arthur shook his head. “Let’s forget about it.”

“Okay.” Merlin said. “Thank you.”

Arthur leaned forward and held Merlin in a kiss, lingering there for a long while. “Love you.”

Merlin swallowed, something stuck in his throat. “You really want to spend the rest of your life with me, don’t you?”

Arthur frowned. “I won’t deny that I’ve thought about it.”

“Doesn’t that scare you? That it might not work out?”

“All the time.” Arthur said, “But I’m scared of losing you, not scared I’ve made a mistake.”

Merlin closed his eyes, a nervous giggle bursting through his lips. “A cat.”

“A cat?” Arthur’s brows pinched together.

“I want us to adopt a cat.” Merlin said. “We don’t have to do everything in order, right?”

Arthur’s smile grew to an elated grin. “No. We don’t have to do any of it. But I think we can manage a cat.”

Merlin crawled over the bed, wrapping his arms around Arthur’s neck and kissing him senseless.

“I love you too.” Merlin kissed onto lips. “A fucking lot.”

Arthur pecked Merlin’s lips. “We’ll go to the shelter tomorrow, look at the cats, and think about it, yeah? Then I’ll make you an awful meal and we can complain about how bruised we feel from that stupid fall. How does that sound?”

“Sounds perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> From that totally fake whisper entry: “Last night I got into an argument with my boyfriend. I told him to take what was his and leave. He picked me up and walked out the door.”  
> *  
> Stays up until 2:40am to finish a fic. Posts it with minimal editing. Prays for it not to look terrible in the morning.


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